Dad

Hi everybody! I’m really sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I have been dealing with some family stuff. This post is going to be very hard for me to post because it is still so fresh and personal but I want to share, on January 31st 2017 my Dad unexpectedly past away. It has been very difficult because I don’t physically have a Dad anymore and what girl expects to have their Father pass away at the age of 19? I’m struggling and it is going to be something that I am going to struggle with every day for the rest of my life but again reading has become my savior, my solace. It feels like it has been 10 years and at the same time feels like it only just happened. Right now I am still feeling too many things at once that I can hardly think and grief is a weird thing, it comes in waves. I feel sadness, anger, stress, confusion, shock, anxiety, guilt, irritation, and even depression. I am really thankful though that I am sleeping normally and that I have an appetite still but it is painful to do even the littlest of things like looking at a place that I know my Dad went to or looking at candy that he liked to eat in the store or even walking into Walmart and seeing Kleenex because he always used it..it is painful and it hits you at any time and it feels like a pinch in the heart. I am trying really hard to stay positive and keep my faith in God because I know there is a reason this happened even though my life has forever changed I still have hope that he is no longer in pain and I will one day see him again happy and not in pain anymore maybe even messing around with our dog Jake. The last moment I ever shared with my Dad was an hour before it happened..I woke up so excited that day for the mail to come because my copy of Caraval was coming and when it came I ran to the mail, ripped it open and went into my parents bedroom to show my Dad and I said “Look! Isn’t it beautiful?” and I was smiling (and he wasn’t into reading) but he just nodded his head and rolled his eyes and then that was it.

I want to again say that I am so incredibly thankful for books, and the bookish world for being so welcoming, accepting and positive because I honestly don’t think I would be here right now if it wasn’t for you guys and for that I am eternally grateful. Thank you for taking the time to read and also I have read a few books since and will be doing reviews on them very soon.

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